I realized that there will really come a time, at some point in your life, wherein you never know when, that everything you have established will be gone. Things you thought that are so solid in your life just vanished in a blink of an eye…like this moment you’re enjoying it, then all of a sudden, poof… Like what they say, in a simple yes and no, or just a smile, can change everything. It means that everything you do, in every breath you take in and out, you change, not just yourself, but also somebody else’s.
And when you’re in that life changing moment and you have an idea it’s going that way, you’re like…what now? What to do? If I’m still young, I know, I’ll be worried to death. But now, why I have this feeling I just want to laugh it out? It’s somehow okay, but this feeling scares me too. I used to be prepared all the time, thinking of pros and cons, and if it went to disaster, I’ll have the survival kit ready.
This age is scaring me. I can feel that I’ve changed, a lot! With how I approach life, with how I handle myself, with how I treat things so lightly. It’s like I know what to throw and what to keep. What to be serious about and what to just flip. And lately I’m like flipping some pages in my life saying, not this, not you, not this one, na-ah, no, no, no, no, oh I want this, oops ill keep this one, and what was handful before is like, some? I was like; you’ve got a lot of useless stuff in your life Annie?!
One more thing, I have a feeling that I’m braver now. I can say “no” easily, I can object now. I somehow know how to explain myself, verbally, voicing myself out. But the thought of it makes me shake. Since I’m new to these things, I might get reckless. I might hurt and get hurt.