An Open Letter To My Father

Lately, ive noticed you’re getting so makulit in me. I don’t know if its because of the age or a pity of knowing i dont have a boyfriend and you’re filling that place asking my whereabouts.

Now, here’s just one of those debates…

Car conversation:

Pa: Kelan ka ba titigil sa pamumundok?
Me: *looked outside the window, no response
Pa: Di ba kayo napapagod?

Keeping it short and simple.
Me: Secret.

Haha, I really don’t know what to say to you! I’m not in the mood to talk and i would not certainly engage myself in this argument again. Yes, again! As much as I wanted to say mountaineering is tiring, I dont think it would be a nice answer to a father questioning my chosen sports.

Yes, it is really damn tiring! Specially when you’re on the trail holding on to your dear lungs and life. But once you reaches the summit and see the rewards of your cuts and bruises (not to mention fried nape and nose), its like, “I’ll definitely do this again, im going to do this again!” There is really something UP there that neither pictures and I can’t explain.

I just can’t help but laugh every time I remember that one moment, of all the same conversations we had and of all the same questions you’re asking me every time I came from an out of town trip or went somewhere and I told you “Eto na naman tayo, di ka pa ba nananawa?” (Here we go again, aren’t you getting’ tired of this?), we both laugh remember?

The many times you rant over me either by text or in person (which I always find hilarious), asking my whereabouts, how much money I spent in my travels, my long term plans, when I will start saving, and keep on emphasizing how old I am getting,  et al.  Aren’t you getting tired father of asking the same questions and getting the same answer from me. It’s like déjà vu every time. But you know what? I understand. Maybe I am not giving you the most reasonable justifications I could give. So here it is, let me break it down for you father.
 
Travelling. Who doesn’t want to travel? Who doesn’t want to see the world with his own eyes? Let me share the poem I’ve made a few years ago:
 
August 25, 2011 Thursday 4:02:38 PM
Title: Nomadic
 
I travel coz I’m thrilled with the smell of the mountain breeze, the salty air of the sea…
I travel because I love to eat; I always crave for local delicacies
I travel because,
…I love the feeling of warm hospitality,
…I adore His works of art,
…I get amazed hearing and learning different languages/dialects,
…it gives me butterflies and super high adrenaline rush,
…and calms my senses at the same time,
…it gives me new ways of seeing things,
…and understand the word ‘existence’.
And amidst the inevitable chaos that surrounds me, I travel because it remind me…how beautiful LIFE is!

Mountaineering. I know you didn’t like the idea of me joining a mountaineering club. But father, nature humbles me. Being out of my comfort zone taught me a lot of things. How to live simply in the heart of a forest. That despite of all the glamour that a city could offer me, i always desire for what matters most, simple things.This also, is my way of connecting to my soul when all else seems so wrong around me. It may be dangerous and tiring, yet it recharge every part of me. Running and biking too , these makes me healthy. Physically, emotionally, spiritually and socially, it heals me from the bruises of wordly battle.

These are my idea of living. Travelling, interacting, connecting to the world and its lodger. I just love making friends and understanding them. And by the way, I have five moles on my right foot. Nuf said.

I can give you a thousands of reasons why I can’t stay motionless. But all these reasons doesn’t matter now. Forgive me if I always reply to your questions with a laugh or a smile. It’s my bravest way to articulate the words I can’t.  I guess I just don’t have enough words to say thank you behind our repetitive dialogue. Thank you.

Thank you for the trust knowing you’ve raised that strong independent woman in me. Thank you for being brave despite of all the things that I do to make you worry. Thank you for getting yourself all together the time I had my accident. Thank you for the hesitant support I felt your care wherever I am. Thank you for being secretly proud of me. I heard the pride in your voice when you tell your friends the mountains I’ve reached and places I’ve been to. You are a man of few words and you taught me how to understand in silence. And in that quietness, I gained more confidence knowing I somehow have your blessing.
 
Nothing can beat memories and experience. Being out there give me things that no one can steal. Not even age, not even money, not even death. The world is too beautiful not to let yourself be part of it. Father, I wanna blend with that beauty.
 
That said, bear in mind that whenever I reaches the top of the mountain, whenever I dive to the vast deepest of sea, whatever daredevil stunts I do, wherever strange places I go, whoever I am with and where on earth my feet may take me, I always bring a part of you with me. For there is no greater joy for me than to make you proud. You and mama who taught me how to walk will have the pleasure of seeing me walk above clouds and wander with pride… and back home, humbly.
 
Remember, my family is my anchor. You always keep me back home. So please don’t try to stop me. Don’t worry about me as I worry even more knowing you worry. I’ll be safe, hands on my heart, I promise.
 
And when my day is done,
Know that I am smiling. #AR
 

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