Big 29 Slap

 
I know this is normal. What I don’t know is if I’m too early or maybe too late (or maybe I already know and I’m just denying it) to feel and realize how the world lied straight to my face. When you arrive in that moment when the things you strongly believe in when you were young starts to collapse one by one. Well, I guess the world wants to give me a slap before I turn 29.
 
Santa Claus is Nicolas in real life and really doesn’t ride in a flying reindeer. How the 5 second rule and you can still eat the food you just dropped on the floor is a total lie. Wentworth Miller is gay, darn it!!! How not that scary those horror movie characters I used to fear when I was a child and how pathetic they look watching it now. That your wound will be healed when kissed by your mom or your dad or whoever wants to kiss it. Fairy tales. Love. Happy endings. Kidding!
 
Going to the real issue, what I really want to talk about is that, I’m on this stage where most of the things that were taught and instilled in me are all in front of me screaming “this is the truth, kid”. Recently I’ve been placed in different situations that made me re-think everything I held in. From my own behavior, to understanding the human nature, seeing the real society I’m in. Then I start re-organizing my thoughts.
 
1.       Authentic happiness
 
Gone are the days when you just have to lay your hands to your parents and in a snap of a finger, the money is there. Unconscious of your time, you play all day without wondering what to eat and what for tomorrow. New clothes, toys, gadgets and other things are all within reach without knowing how many arms and legs it cost your parents. You define happiness with the things you get.
 
As you age, this so called happiness will be leveled down to the least of your pleasures. You know you’re out of that era when you start defining happiness as wanting memories rather than things. And sometimes, you really have to hussle for it. It’s not that as easy as before where it  goes so effortlessly. You are more concern of what you give to make the people you love, happy. Little by little, happiness is becoming more of getting real emotions. You look for what it gives you inside, what it makes you feel inside.
 
2.       Loving and Trusting and Relationship
 
When we were young, we were taught about love (aside from the fact that I studied in a catholic school were Christian love was hammered to us every day, so there). Just love and love and love like it’s the answer to everything. But why the heck they never mentioned the importance of trust? Why they never hammered trust the same way they do to love?
 
With a fickle mind, I tried to think that love and trust always go together. That when you trust, it’s because you love the person. That when you love, it’s because you trust the person.
 
At a young age, we trust easily. We forgive and forget easily. We take in and let go of things easily.
 
As you mature, trust becomes a BIG mature thing in any relationship, side by side with love. Loving is handing over your heart to someone. Trusting means letting all your guards down and letting the people see you. Which opens you to different kinds of pain.

I’ve seen and encountered myself lots of beautiful relationships got destroyed because of a broken trust. Either friendship, romantic, siblings, relatives, all sort of relationships. Trust and love are the most fragile things in life. It’s like you removing all your bones out of your body for them. Getting all soft for the person you love. Handing them all things that could kill you, inside.

Now try to sprinkle a broken trust with pride and fear, the truth is, love can’t save it. The truth is nothing can replace a genuine trust. Same with nothing can replace a genuine love. Once lost, you will always try to hold back and hesitate. The truth is, love and trust can go sometimes in separate ways. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in the power of love, always and still do. But…it just can’t fix everything.
 
Well, I don’t think I can speak much of this. I have trust issues actually. I don’t give it easily so it hasn’t disappointed me yet that much. Maybe a little, but not a life wrecking kind of thing. I’m still on the process of knowing the range of this big word. But so far, what i have seen and encountered is that you could always lose trust but never the love. So please take care of the trust given to you, the same way with how much you have loved a person, for its something so precious and hard to regain.
 
“At a young age, we take in and let go of things easily. We give love, we forgive and forget.”  Now, we get whatever we can take in and won’t let go of things easily. We hardly give love, we hardly forgive and never forget.
 
3.       Living
 
Living is service. One of the biggest learning I had so far. I thought  it’s just about surviving, having food on the table, a shelter, all the basic needs.
 
Let me connect this to my point number one. That juvenile kind of happiness is getting the things we want. Those things are being provided by other people like our parents. I too mentioned that as you grow old, you hassle for happiness. It is because as you mature, you are now in the place of providing happiness for other people. Of serving. The role is now in your hands.
 
You live to serve. You live for others.  You live to share what you have. To contribute. To do your purpose. Living is not counting what you have but counting what you did for the world.
 
It’s like all these years, I have this thinking I am being trained to survive. But the truth is, I am being trained to serve.
 
I am not saying this is the truth with how you should look and live your life. Living is how you define it. This is mine. But however and whatever way you define it, serving is the common thing about living.

 
This is the truth. The search and insertion of adventures in your life is vital. Travel as much as you can. It gives you life’s lesson as it mirrors the world. Take time to pause from whatever you do. Observe. Always observe. Listen carefully especially to the unspoken words. Learning is mandatory. It never stop. Living is service. Service is loving. Faith, hope and love is the breath of life. All these three and the rest of your dreams should be accompanied with actions. Friends can be your future enemy. Your enemy can be your future friends. All things end. Trust is beyond price. Second chances are not given to everyone. Time don’t heal, it just makes you get used to things. The heart never forgets, it learns. Live like you’ll die at the end of the day and welcome each morning like a newborn child.
 
Having all these thoughts, I seem to argue with a lot of things and with people fighting for my opinion. Ridding off things and people easily because I just don’t like them the way I want them before. Because of the world’s frankness, how I look at things changed, how I evaluate things changed, how I look at the world changed.
 
That said, I know I already established the views and belief of a matured Annie, though the immature Annie is still in the background trying to get notice from time to time, but I’m more confident now.
 
There are so much things to learn in this life, that sooner or later will probably turn to a lie. Because as you mature, your views will change, your taste will change and everything around you will change. Still, it is important to established your own perception, a set of ground. Something that would make you hold on to something you think is true and beautiful. Life is beautiful.
 
Thanks for the big slap, world. I am 29.
 
Bygones.

For more stuff you thought are true but aren’t, check this out
m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5593273?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063

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