Big 29 Slap

 
I know this is normal. What I don’t know is if I’m too early or maybe too late (or maybe I already know and I’m just denying it) to feel and realize how the world lied straight to my face. When you arrive in that moment when the things you strongly believe in when you were young starts to collapse one by one. Well, I guess the world wants to give me a slap before I turn 29.
 
Santa Claus is Nicolas in real life and really doesn’t ride in a flying reindeer. How the 5 second rule and you can still eat the food you just dropped on the floor is a total lie. Wentworth Miller is gay, darn it!!! How not that scary those horror movie characters I used to fear when I was a child and how pathetic they look watching it now. That your wound will be healed when kissed by your mom or your dad or whoever wants to kiss it. Fairy tales. Love. Happy endings. Kidding!
 
Going to the real issue, what I really want to talk about is that, I’m on this stage where most of the things that were taught and instilled in me are all in front of me screaming “this is the truth, kid”. Recently I’ve been placed in different situations that made me re-think everything I held in. From my own behavior, to understanding the human nature, seeing the real society I’m in. Then I start re-organizing my thoughts.
 
1.       Authentic happiness
 
Gone are the days when you just have to lay your hands to your parents and in a snap of a finger, the money is there. Unconscious of your time, you play all day without wondering what to eat and what for tomorrow. New clothes, toys, gadgets and other things are all within reach without knowing how many arms and legs it cost your parents. You define happiness with the things you get.
 
As you age, this so called happiness will be leveled down to the least of your pleasures. You know you’re out of that era when you start defining happiness as wanting memories rather than things. And sometimes, you really have to hussle for it. It’s not that as easy as before where it  goes so effortlessly. You are more concern of what you give to make the people you love, happy. Little by little, happiness is becoming more of getting real emotions. You look for what it gives you inside, what it makes you feel inside.
 
2.       Loving and Trusting and Relationship
 
When we were young, we were taught about love (aside from the fact that I studied in a catholic school were Christian love was hammered to us every day, so there). Just love and love and love like it’s the answer to everything. But why the heck they never mentioned the importance of trust? Why they never hammered trust the same way they do to love?
 
With a fickle mind, I tried to think that love and trust always go together. That when you trust, it’s because you love the person. That when you love, it’s because you trust the person.
 
At a young age, we trust easily. We forgive and forget easily. We take in and let go of things easily.
 
As you mature, trust becomes a BIG mature thing in any relationship, side by side with love. Loving is handing over your heart to someone. Trusting means letting all your guards down and letting the people see you. Which opens you to different kinds of pain.

I’ve seen and encountered myself lots of beautiful relationships got destroyed because of a broken trust. Either friendship, romantic, siblings, relatives, all sort of relationships. Trust and love are the most fragile things in life. It’s like you removing all your bones out of your body for them. Getting all soft for the person you love. Handing them all things that could kill you, inside.

Now try to sprinkle a broken trust with pride and fear, the truth is, love can’t save it. The truth is nothing can replace a genuine trust. Same with nothing can replace a genuine love. Once lost, you will always try to hold back and hesitate. The truth is, love and trust can go sometimes in separate ways. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in the power of love, always and still do. But…it just can’t fix everything.
 
Well, I don’t think I can speak much of this. I have trust issues actually. I don’t give it easily so it hasn’t disappointed me yet that much. Maybe a little, but not a life wrecking kind of thing. I’m still on the process of knowing the range of this big word. But so far, what i have seen and encountered is that you could always lose trust but never the love. So please take care of the trust given to you, the same way with how much you have loved a person, for its something so precious and hard to regain.
 
“At a young age, we take in and let go of things easily. We give love, we forgive and forget.”  Now, we get whatever we can take in and won’t let go of things easily. We hardly give love, we hardly forgive and never forget.
 
3.       Living
 
Living is service. One of the biggest learning I had so far. I thought  it’s just about surviving, having food on the table, a shelter, all the basic needs.
 
Let me connect this to my point number one. That juvenile kind of happiness is getting the things we want. Those things are being provided by other people like our parents. I too mentioned that as you grow old, you hassle for happiness. It is because as you mature, you are now in the place of providing happiness for other people. Of serving. The role is now in your hands.
 
You live to serve. You live for others.  You live to share what you have. To contribute. To do your purpose. Living is not counting what you have but counting what you did for the world.
 
It’s like all these years, I have this thinking I am being trained to survive. But the truth is, I am being trained to serve.
 
I am not saying this is the truth with how you should look and live your life. Living is how you define it. This is mine. But however and whatever way you define it, serving is the common thing about living.

 
This is the truth. The search and insertion of adventures in your life is vital. Travel as much as you can. It gives you life’s lesson as it mirrors the world. Take time to pause from whatever you do. Observe. Always observe. Listen carefully especially to the unspoken words. Learning is mandatory. It never stop. Living is service. Service is loving. Faith, hope and love is the breath of life. All these three and the rest of your dreams should be accompanied with actions. Friends can be your future enemy. Your enemy can be your future friends. All things end. Trust is beyond price. Second chances are not given to everyone. Time don’t heal, it just makes you get used to things. The heart never forgets, it learns. Live like you’ll die at the end of the day and welcome each morning like a newborn child.
 
Having all these thoughts, I seem to argue with a lot of things and with people fighting for my opinion. Ridding off things and people easily because I just don’t like them the way I want them before. Because of the world’s frankness, how I look at things changed, how I evaluate things changed, how I look at the world changed.
 
That said, I know I already established the views and belief of a matured Annie, though the immature Annie is still in the background trying to get notice from time to time, but I’m more confident now.
 
There are so much things to learn in this life, that sooner or later will probably turn to a lie. Because as you mature, your views will change, your taste will change and everything around you will change. Still, it is important to established your own perception, a set of ground. Something that would make you hold on to something you think is true and beautiful. Life is beautiful.
 
Thanks for the big slap, world. I am 29.
 
Bygones.

For more stuff you thought are true but aren’t, check this out
m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5593273?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063

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An Open Letter To My Father

Lately, ive noticed you’re getting so makulit in me. I don’t know if its because of the age or a pity of knowing i dont have a boyfriend and you’re filling that place asking my whereabouts.

Now, here’s just one of those debates…

Car conversation:

Pa: Kelan ka ba titigil sa pamumundok?
Me: *looked outside the window, no response
Pa: Di ba kayo napapagod?

Keeping it short and simple.
Me: Secret.

Haha, I really don’t know what to say to you! I’m not in the mood to talk and i would not certainly engage myself in this argument again. Yes, again! As much as I wanted to say mountaineering is tiring, I dont think it would be a nice answer to a father questioning my chosen sports.

Yes, it is really damn tiring! Specially when you’re on the trail holding on to your dear lungs and life. But once you reaches the summit and see the rewards of your cuts and bruises (not to mention fried nape and nose), its like, “I’ll definitely do this again, im going to do this again!” There is really something UP there that neither pictures and I can’t explain.

I just can’t help but laugh every time I remember that one moment, of all the same conversations we had and of all the same questions you’re asking me every time I came from an out of town trip or went somewhere and I told you “Eto na naman tayo, di ka pa ba nananawa?” (Here we go again, aren’t you getting’ tired of this?), we both laugh remember?

The many times you rant over me either by text or in person (which I always find hilarious), asking my whereabouts, how much money I spent in my travels, my long term plans, when I will start saving, and keep on emphasizing how old I am getting,  et al.  Aren’t you getting tired father of asking the same questions and getting the same answer from me. It’s like déjà vu every time. But you know what? I understand. Maybe I am not giving you the most reasonable justifications I could give. So here it is, let me break it down for you father.
 
Travelling. Who doesn’t want to travel? Who doesn’t want to see the world with his own eyes? Let me share the poem I’ve made a few years ago:
 
August 25, 2011 Thursday 4:02:38 PM
Title: Nomadic
 
I travel coz I’m thrilled with the smell of the mountain breeze, the salty air of the sea…
I travel because I love to eat; I always crave for local delicacies
I travel because,
…I love the feeling of warm hospitality,
…I adore His works of art,
…I get amazed hearing and learning different languages/dialects,
…it gives me butterflies and super high adrenaline rush,
…and calms my senses at the same time,
…it gives me new ways of seeing things,
…and understand the word ‘existence’.
And amidst the inevitable chaos that surrounds me, I travel because it remind me…how beautiful LIFE is!

Mountaineering. I know you didn’t like the idea of me joining a mountaineering club. But father, nature humbles me. Being out of my comfort zone taught me a lot of things. How to live simply in the heart of a forest. That despite of all the glamour that a city could offer me, i always desire for what matters most, simple things.This also, is my way of connecting to my soul when all else seems so wrong around me. It may be dangerous and tiring, yet it recharge every part of me. Running and biking too , these makes me healthy. Physically, emotionally, spiritually and socially, it heals me from the bruises of wordly battle.

These are my idea of living. Travelling, interacting, connecting to the world and its lodger. I just love making friends and understanding them. And by the way, I have five moles on my right foot. Nuf said.

I can give you a thousands of reasons why I can’t stay motionless. But all these reasons doesn’t matter now. Forgive me if I always reply to your questions with a laugh or a smile. It’s my bravest way to articulate the words I can’t.  I guess I just don’t have enough words to say thank you behind our repetitive dialogue. Thank you.

Thank you for the trust knowing you’ve raised that strong independent woman in me. Thank you for being brave despite of all the things that I do to make you worry. Thank you for getting yourself all together the time I had my accident. Thank you for the hesitant support I felt your care wherever I am. Thank you for being secretly proud of me. I heard the pride in your voice when you tell your friends the mountains I’ve reached and places I’ve been to. You are a man of few words and you taught me how to understand in silence. And in that quietness, I gained more confidence knowing I somehow have your blessing.
 
Nothing can beat memories and experience. Being out there give me things that no one can steal. Not even age, not even money, not even death. The world is too beautiful not to let yourself be part of it. Father, I wanna blend with that beauty.
 
That said, bear in mind that whenever I reaches the top of the mountain, whenever I dive to the vast deepest of sea, whatever daredevil stunts I do, wherever strange places I go, whoever I am with and where on earth my feet may take me, I always bring a part of you with me. For there is no greater joy for me than to make you proud. You and mama who taught me how to walk will have the pleasure of seeing me walk above clouds and wander with pride… and back home, humbly.
 
Remember, my family is my anchor. You always keep me back home. So please don’t try to stop me. Don’t worry about me as I worry even more knowing you worry. I’ll be safe, hands on my heart, I promise.
 
And when my day is done,
Know that I am smiling. #AR
 

Fatal Judgement

Despabiladeras, Annilyn
Wednesday, May 07, 2014 3:22 PM

It’s during our lunch break that we have decided to take a breather at tarajingpotpot.

On our way back to the office, we saw a friend with his teammates coming our way.

Mike: “Naawa na ko sa kanya, kung sinu sino na lang kasama nya.”
Annie: “That’s the result of our actions and sometimes we just have to embrace it.”
 
Just to add up to what I have said earlier about Mike having pity on our friend for his social homelessness situation right now.

Life likes to do that sometimes. Mess with our plans, mess with what we want, mess with our social life and our friends, but it always brings us somewhere. It teaches us what we need to learn. Our friend needs to get that. I’m thinking he needs to learn something from this. He either realizes that it is not really US the right friend for him or we are the best of friends he’ll ever have. And we don’t know that. Only him can have the answer. I am just praying he’ll realize it soon and that he will let us know.
 
We are responsible to every decision we make in life. Recklessness, innocence, residual pain, pride, selfishness, these are just some of the matters that block us from making intelligent decisions. Your current difficult situation may affect  your logical thinking, people around you may have influenced your decisions and whatever the results may be, in the end, everything is on you!
 
That’s the adventure of life, the risk of life, not knowing what lies ahead. Not knowing what would be the outcome of whatever it is that we have decided to do. We may assume the outcome but it may or may not be the one we have in mind.

But you know what’s good in life, we may not be able to undo our actions (unlikely not), but we have the chance to correct them, if not, start anew. You have the ability to pull yourself out of that situation. And all that, still rest to your decision.
 
Everything is the product of our choices. What we need to learn is the ability to accompany our decisions with responsibility and bravery.
 
And what’s scary is that, and this is the thing that scares me too, that no matter how logical your decision is, it’s hard to determine if we’re on the right track. If we’re making the right thing. That’s why it’s good to establish principles. That will be your ground, your basis. If you don’t have that, everything will be a mess, scattered. And that’s the problem I see in some people, I saw in him, and with some of you. You might say I complicate things, I think deep, but that is because I have sets of beliefs. I believe in some things. I might argue with some of you most of the time but I believe it’s a good thing because I know I stand for something. Though I understand him. His principles may be different from mine but what i can’t understand is to make something complicated out of it. He’s competing badly.
 
This is the one thing I wanna say to our friend right now. “You’re letting go of an important people.” Not that he chose the wrong one, but with that pride he’s trying to dispatch a group of nice people.
 

Bygones.

image

Roar

image

I always believe this. Its not being bias. Neither unfair. It means standing for something. It means you believe in something. It’s better to have side to argue for than be friends with everyone just by standing in between. Whether it’s right or wrong, it’s a good start.

I’ve met lots of people who are easily persuaded by everything. Like I can be here, I can be there, I can be on this side, I can be on that side. They are like scattered sheeps driven away by barking mad dogs. But sometimes that’s not the deal in life, you know. Being everywhere is being nowhere. Sabi nga ni Katy Perry sa kanta nyang Roar, I stood for nothing so I fell for everything.

Take a stand. Face the dogs. Be brave. Be firm.

Bygones.

A Letter of Gratitude

Howdy!
 
Today, March 26 2013, Holy Tuesday, is the first day I thought of writing note/s dedicated to you. A note of thanksgiving. I don’t plan to write (I mean type) every day, and address it to a certain PERSON, but I assure you, whenever I open this draft and start typing, I meant every letter and it’s all about YOU.
 
I made to believe, that everything and everyone around us, living and non-living things, with direct and even no direct contact with us, you, this keyboard, the coffee I’m drinking, that guy who just gave me a smile, and the whole universe conspire with us. They help us to be where we should be. Help us fulfill our plans.
 
From the moment I took this belief in my life, I promised myself to be at peace with everyone I meet and be thankful to the simplest thing I might and may not even receive. So whether you’re an acquaintance, a close friend, common friend, a friend of a friend, best friend, colleague, close friend, passersby, people at public transportation, please accept my thank you.
 
To those people who are close to my heart, no words can suit to express how grateful I am for knowing you. You have taught and given me a lot of things. Things that are now part of me. Things I will carry for the rest of my life. And that made me who I am now.
 
My  deepest thank you, that you have touched my life. If this is the last time I’ll see and talk to you, so be it. But I won’t let this day pass without giving you my appreciation of your contribution in my life. You have a piece in me. Thank you.

September 1, 2013

The first day of BER months.

I always find this day happy. It’s like a start of good things, good vibes. Not that the other months doesnt have it. September marks the christmas season for pinoys. It’s like a start where people become extra nice, extra cheerful and extra positive. I don’t know. There’s something in it. Its the season to be jolly, as the song said.

Im feeling the christmas air!

Good vibes!

Date a Girl Who Travels

24 February 2012
By Solitary Wanderer
http://www.solitarywanderer.com/2012/02/date-a-girl-who-travels/
 
Date a girl who travels. Date a girl who would rather save up for out of town trips or day trips than buy new shoes or clothes. She may not look like a fashion plate, but behind that tanned and freckled face from all the days out in the sun, lies a mind that can take you places and an open heart that will take you for what you are, not for what you can be.
Date a girl who travels. You’ll recognize her by the backpack she always carries. She won’t be carrying a dainty handbag; where will she put her travel journal, her pens, and the LED flashlight that’s always attached to her bag’s zipper? In a small purse, how can she bring the small coil of travel string, the wet tissues, the box of cracker, and the bottle of water she’s always ready with, just in case something happens and she can’t go home yet?
Yes, a girl who travels knows that anytime, anything can happen and she just has to be prepared with it. Nothing takes her by surprise; she takes everything with equanimity, knowing that such things are always a part of life. She’s reliable and dependable, traits that she’s learned while on the road.
You’ll also recognize a girl who travels by the fact that she’s always amazed at the world around her, no matter if she’s in her home town or in a place that’s totally new. She sees beauty all around her, not just the ones featured in travel guides or shown in postcards. A girl who travels has developed a deeper appreciation for life. She won’t judge you, or pressure you to do things you don’t want to do. She knows too much about the importance of identity and self-efficacy, and she will appreciate all the more if you won’t pretend to be who you’re not.
You can make mistakes with a girl who travels, and you can also be as idiosyncratic as you can be. Trust me, she has seen so much worse in her travels, and knows firsthand the vagaries of human nature.

Date a girl who travels, because when you’re with her, you’ll realize that even though she’s napped at a temple in Angkor Wat, went boating down the Mekong Delta, ran by the streets of Saigon or went skinny-dipping in the caves in the Philippines, she still retains that humility that is the mark of a real traveler. She knows she’s been to a lot of places, but she’s humbled by the fact that the world is still a big place and she’s only seen a small part of it. Seeing this in her can make you feel all right with yourself too; there’s no need for you to do more, to be more. What you are is enough.
When you meet a girl who travels, ask her where she’s been and what she’s going to do next. She will appreciate your interest, and if you’re lucky, she may even invite you to join her. When she does, do. Nothing bonds people better than traveling. On your trips, you will both see each other’s best and worst characteristics, and you can then decide whether she’s worth fighting for.
It’s easy enough to date a girl who travels. She won’t want expensive gifts; you can buy her (or both of you) cheap tickets to Thailand for the weekend, and she’ll be more than happy to take you to the longest wooden bridge in the country. You don’t even have to go overseas; you can take her out on day trips, caving or hiking, or treat her to a full body massage.

You can also buy her the little things that she keeps forgetting to buy for herself; that carabiner that will attach her backpack to her seat so that she will feel easier about sleeping on her bus trip, or a backpack cover, a small alarm clock, a money belt, or maybe another sarong that will replace the one she lost in China.
She won’t mind if you get lost on your way to a date. She knows oftentimes, the journey is more important than the destination. She will help you see the lighter side of things. She’ll walk along with you, not behind you, pointing out the interesting bits of things you’ll see along the way. Before long, you’ll realize that yes, the journey has been more memorable than the destination that you’ve planted to take her to.
 
Is a girl who travels worth it? Yes, she is. So when you find her, keep her. Don’t lose her with your insecurities and doubts. Because when she says she loves you, she really does. After all, Sshe’s seen so many things, met so many people , and if she had chosen you, better grab the opportunity and thank the gods that you were lucky enough she’s chosen you and not that bloke she met while watching the sun rise in Angkor Wat, or while whitewater rafting in the Padas Gorge in Sabah.
 
If she says she loves you, she must have seen something in you, something that can always call her back from her travels, something that can anchor her to the world in the way she wants to after weeks and months of being on the road.
 
Date a girl who travels. Make her feel safe, warm, and secure. Make her believe that no matter where she goes and however long she’s gone; you’ll always be there for her, the one that she can call home.
 
Find a girl who travels. Date her, love her, and marry her, and your world will never be the same again.